Better to Have Love and Lost
by Gogeta Uzumaki
Summary: Tenten has not been herself since the end of the war, but one night, she gets exactly what she needs. One shot.


Night had fallen over Konoha and most of the village had long since fallen asleep. This was not the case for Tenten though. She wandered the streets as she patrolled for the third night in a row. She glanced through a window, having sensed movement and saw a mother walking her child to bed, the father not far behind. She scowled and walked a little bit faster away from the happy family.

Why did she feel this way? Why did the mere sight of a happy couple annoy her so much? Tenten shook her head to rid herself of the painful questions. She already knew the answers, but she couldn't bring herself to say them. Tenten forced her mind to focus on something else and she pulled a kunai from her pocket to run her finger across it.

This had been the norm for Tenten since the war ended a month ago. She volunteered for every mission she could and whenever she wasn't on a mission, she was training. At first no one had bated an eye at this new regiment; completely believing that she only wanted to get stronger, but lately people had begun to worry. Why didn't they understand?

Tenten fumed in her head and didn't even notice when Lee came running up behind her.

"Tenten!" Lee said jovially.

"What?" Tenten snarled, holding the kunai defensively.

"It…it is time to switch shifts." Lee said, quite taken aback.

"I'll take your shift." Tenten muttered, putting the kunai away. "Go back home and get some sleep."

"I am bursting with energy, Tenten. There is no way I could sleep now." Lee said, flashing a smile.

"Then go train!" Tenten snapped, "I don't care, just leave me to my patrol."

"But it is my turn." Lee said uncertainly.

"Lee, I'm warning you-"

"What's all the yelling about?" a new voice said.

Tenten and Lee turned around as Shikamaru turned a corner. Lee explained what was going on as Tenten glared at both of them. Shikamaru locked eyes with Tenten and sighed.

"Tenten you're going to work yourself to an early grave."

"What does it matter to you?" Tenten growled.

"What a drag, just get out of here. It's Lee's turn and you're obviously not in the right mind set for gurad shift."

"Is that an order, Jonin?" Tenten asked coldly.

"As a matter of fact it is, Chunin." Shikamaru said with equal ice in his voice.

Tenten scowled mutinously, but turned on the spot and leapt to the rooftops. She cursed Lee and Shikamaru as she ran back to her house, but more than anger burned in her heart. Why? Why? Why, why, why, why, _WHY!?_ Why was she feeling like this now and why couldn't she get _him _off her mind?

Tenten finally arrived at her house and opened the door. For a moment she just stood in the doorway as if afraid to enter, but then she stepped over the threshold. Her fingers fumbled for the light switch, but once again, she hesitated. The lights came on and reluctantly she allowed her eyes to go where she didn't want them to.

The picture of her old team hung on the wall where it had for years now and there was the source of her misery: Neji. She felt her heart swell from the amount of emotions she'd been suppressing and fell to her knees. The truth was she missed Neji and was jealous of every couple getting to experience what she'd lost. She was unbelievably sad and had cried several times before, but the pain never went away and that had turned her sorrow into anger. She was angry she was sad all the time and had decided to distract herself from her sorrow with missions and training. This of course only worked when she wasn't home.

Tenten looked up at the picture of her old tam again and another familiar emotion spread through her chest; guilt. She ran through the million scenarios she'd created in her mind to save Neji again, feeling worse with everyone. Then the final phase of her mourning ritual washed over her. She felt another surge of anger flow through her body. Shy hadn't he saved himself? He was weak and had died because of it.

Tenten got to her feet and took the picture off the wall. Again she stared into the face of the one she hated so much. It was his fault she was feeling this way. Tenten moved to her trash can with the picture for the hundredth time intent on finally throwing it away, but like every other time, she couldn't. Underneath all the hate and pain, she still loved him.

A single tear fell onto the picture and Tenten furiously wiped it away. She replaced the picture, tilted it left and right to get it level and laid on the ground under it. She pulled her knees to her chest and with her door still open, fell asleep.

Nightmares plagued Tenten's sleep all night. Neji's face crept in and out of them and she was even convinced she heard her name being called. It was only when she finally awoke that she found Lee sitting next to her.

"Are you awake now?" Lee asked, looking concerned.

"Was it you saying my name?" she asked, groggily.

"Yes. You looked like you were having a fit so I-"

"What are you even doing here?"

"Your door was open so I-"

Tenten groaned loudly, cutting Lee off again. "Lee, that's not what I meant. Why do you keep checking up on me?"

"Well, we were both part of Team Gai…and you are my friend, right Tenten?"

"Yeah, yeah," Tenten muttered, feeling a little guilty again, "What time is it anyway?"

"Ten p.m."

"WHAT?"

"That is another reason I came looking for you. No one had seen you all day." Lee said.

"Well I'm fine, Lee. You can go tell everyone else."

"If that is what you want." Lee walked to the door but paused before going through it, "Just one thing before I go…"

"What?"

"Were you crying last night?"

It was like a bomb went off. Lee covered his head and ran as Tenten threw everything within arm's reach at him. She had just thrown her last sandal when she heard someone call her name again.

"Go away, Lee!" she screamed, before getting up and slamming the door shut. She turned back to her ruined room and began to feel miserable again. She walked to her fridge and upon opening it, found she had no food. She cursed at the top of her lungs and angrily looked for a pair of shoes she hadn't thrown.

Tenten wandered the streets again. She wasn't really hungry, but didn't feel like staying in the house. She let her feet do the navigating, allowing her mind to drift to anything not involving Neji. It was only when she caught a whiff of dumplings that she realized she'd walked to the Ameguriama Dango shop.

Tenten sat on a bench with her single stick of dumplings and felt hopeless. She had no idea what she felt like doing. In fact she felt like doing nothing, but at the same time wanted to do something. She took a bite out of a dumpling and while it was good, Tenten found no joy in it.

She had just thrown away the rest of the stick when she heard someone calling her name again. Tenten whipped around ready to scream at someone else, but nobody was there. Feeling a little creeped out, Tenten decided it was time to go back home. The only problem was the closer she got, the louder the voice calling her name became.

Tenten made it back to her house at a sprint and the second she'd closed the door, the voice had stopped. It had never been very loud, just at the edge of her hearing, but Tenten had been sure someone was following her.

Leaving the lights off, Tenten changed into her night clothes and despite being wide awake, tried to go back to sleep. She laid there for what felt like an eternity, constantly rotating through her feelings of sorrow, anger and guilt, which were punctuated by occasional glances at Neji's picture. Then just as she felt her eyes getting heavy, the sun began to rise over the horizon.

Tenten groaned, but got dressed again and headed back outside. As she walked down the street toward the Hokage's Mansion, she felt like someone was following her again. Fresh anger pumped through her veins and Tenten turned down a narrow alley. She was half way down it when she spun around, drew a kunai and came face to face with Hinata. For a moment the two held each other's gaze, saying nothing, but then Hinata spoke.

"Um…Tenten…did you notice anything weird last night?"

"Why? Was that you following me?" Tenten demanded angrily.

"No it wasn't, but um…"

"But what, Hinata?" Tenten snapped, waving her hands in frustration.

"Just go here tonight." Hinata squeaked before dropping a scrap of paper and running away.

Tenten looked curiously at the note Hinata had dropped. She picked it up and read, "Go to the Memorial at 10 o'clock." 10 o'clock? Wasn't that when she had first heard her name called last night? Tenten shook her head. It was Lee who had called her at ten...but what about after that?

Thinking she was stupid, Tenten made her way to the Memorial at 9:45 and found it deserted. She scowled at herself, of course no one would be here. She paced, fuming in her mind. 9:50. She calmed down and began to worry about Hinata. 9:55. If anything had happened to her it was Hinata's fault. 9:59. Tenten turned to leave and then 10:00.

"Tenten."

The now clearly audible voice made Tenten freeze in her tracks. She knew that voice, but how could it be? Tenten turned around slowly, but no one was there. Tenten was just about to kick herself for being stupid when-

"Tenten!"

The voice, more persistent now, seemed to be coming from the Memorial itself. Tenten felt her skin turn to ice and all the hairs on her neck stand on end. She wanted to run, yet the voice was keeping her rooted to the spot.

"Who's there?" she finally managed to say.

Chakra began to gather around the Memorial and to Tenten's horror, began to form a person. She wanted to scream, she wanted to run, to do anything, but Tenten remained where she was, transfixed by what she was seeing. The humanoid form became slightly more solid and a minute later, there stood Neji Hyuuga, glowing slightly in the moon light. Tenten's jaw fell open and she rubbed her eyes in disbelief. She looked again, but Neji was still standing there.

Anger swelled up in Tenten. She formed the sign of the Tiger and cried, "Release", but Neji was still standing there.

"I'm really here you know…at least in spirit."

"If it really is you, then let me give you a present." Tenten cried out and tried to slap Neji, but her arm just passed through.

"Told you, I'm only here in spirit." Neji smiled, but Tenten was scowling.

"I hate you."

"Do you?" Neji said, his face hardening a little.

"You've caused me so much pain. How couldn't I?"

"I'm sorry." Neji said, sincerely.

"Like that matters now." Tenten spat, "You left me with a hole in my heart. I…I loved you."

"I still love you, Tenten." Neji said quietly.

"You do?" Tenten said quietly, "Then why didn't you say anything? You were always so cold."

"Probably for the same reason you never said anything." Neji said simply. "Too nervous, couldn't find the right time…"

Tenten had no response to this. She felt emotionally drained, but still had so many questions, "I wanted to tell you, but I never thought you were interested."

Neji stepped closer and Tenten could smell his familiar scent. He reached out and took her hand, pulled her into his embrace and held her as Tenten's emotions finally broke free. Tenten sobbed openly into Neji's shoulder as he said nothing, but kept her held close to him.

After a while, she managed to calm down and Neji held her at arm's length to look in her eyes. Tenten held his gaze and only closed her eyes as he slowly leaned forward. She felt no pressure, but her lips began to tingle and she knew Neji was trying to kiss her.

The tingle began to subside and when Tenten opened her eyes, she saw that Neji's form was fading. She was losing him again, yet neither of them seemed that sad.

"Do you still hate me?" Neji's soft voice echoed?

"Not anymore." Tenten said, a small smile on her face.

Neji disappeared slowly before her eyes, but the last thing to go was Neji's wide smile. Tenten felt her legs grow weak and she fell to the ground. For the first time in a month, she truly felt happy.


End file.
